This Is A Confession True From MyHeart. I Am Telling All.

I try not to cry every night before I go to sleep as I'm missing Kaliq so much. A part of me is lost. He's been with me all the time but mum and dad got things to settle.

I'm not sure how one can be far from their babies.I'm sure I can't. A friend of mine from the office she's been apart from her baby for quite some time as she's working here and her baby is back with her mom at Jakarta. And I can see that she have a pretty tuff heart. I don't know how she do it at least I can see Kaliq once a week while she can only see her son like 5months once. I see her streght and I develop mine.

Everyday I come back from work I always expect to see him back home. But I know I won't. When he was home all my penat gone away. So I can say its true when people said 'tengok muka anak hilang penat'.

To be honest our life is not in a good place. As Jessie J said 'its all bout the money money money'. And because of our job demand us to work on wekend and late shift till night we have to send him to stay with my sister at Pahang. I went and visit him like once a week if I can. I'm so lucky that I have my sister. My lifesaver. She's wiling to jaga Kaliq for awhile. Wakeup in the middle of the night to make his milk and all as its been a long time that she haven't got a baby. All her children semua dah besar and all girls so a boy would be nice in the family. Plus I know kaliq's be gettin lotsa love there from his cousins and uncle.

I try to take my mind away from him. And wow its not easy. From someone that use to sleep at 12-1am I now sleep at 10pm almost every day. I'm so tired and my mind is elsewhere. Work is the only place that I can make myself busy or have a good laugh. Hubs try to make me feel happy but then I still feel empty. My heart is empty so does our house.

U see when I was pregnant I never think of this. All I know is 'wah seronoknya ada anak' but I never think of the hard part. Being away from him is the biggest test of all. The 2nd thing was of course when he was at the hospital. I'm bless that I have a wonderful family. Kaliq was admitted here in serdang and my famly comes from as far as perak and pahang to visit. But poor hubs not one I repeat NOT ONE of his family come n visit except for his father but him also now stop caring after my hubs mengadu masalah to him.

I'm telling my story as I can't take it anymore. Hubs is a great guy despite his lack of luck. My son bukan kena sakit biasa at that time. He kena pneunomia which is dangerous. Thank you Allah for all the pahala given and giving me the courage to take care of my son during that 7days at the hospital. My mother in law never once call and ask khabar . His cousins who are very close with him also nada! Poor hubs he feels like nobody on his side cares about his son sedangkan this is cucu/cicit pertama on his side. Why and why and why?teruk sangat ke dia? And tell me what did kaliq did to u guys that he deserve this kind of famly. Don't wory my lil man u always have me,daddy,ur cousins,ur aunties,uncles and of course atuk and opah on mummy's side. Mum will teach u what famly really are.

I hope that everything goes well so that we can bring kaliq's back with us. Amin ya Allah. Kaliq,mumy miss u everyday. Every night mumy cries but mumy keep it from dady. Mumy cry slowly so that dady can't hear n he won't be sad too. I mis u so much and I love u more than my nyawa. U are my nyawa.
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

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