11/24/2015

To My Children

It has been a while that i didn't post anything. But lately i cant sleep well. I kept on thinking about my late father..and i kept thinking about my children.

Since i got my kids my world changed. It is no longer about me..no longer about anyone else except for them. I saw a lot lately small kids losing their parents..and even parents losing their child. What if it happen to me?

My children. One day you both gonna read this (i guess) and this blog is the best medium that i can convey my massage to you both when you're older(old enuf to read)-im gonna try to write more after this.

I remember the day,the first day i hold you both. Abang Kaliq Rafael,when i first saw you when your daddy push you on that small hospital trolley i thought to myself how beautiful you are..how am i going to care for you as i cant even take care of myself sometime..am i going to love you unconditionally eventhough i had just met you..am i gonna be a good mother? i almost question myself everyday.

Adik Adra Nelissa,we were together straight after you came out of me.It was just me and you.Your daddy had to take care of abang that time. It was you and me in that room after all the doctor and nurses leaves us. I remember talking to you..i told you how beautiful you are and that mummy will love you and abang the same,No difference.

You both have changed me forever. Friends are no longer no.1 to me(it used to top family)i cried easily over little little things..i even love weddings now as its good to see my friends once in a while. Especially family weddings as i could see families and how they love you both like i do.I did everything in fast pace now..like walking,eating,cooking and such so that i can just lay down and watch tv with you both..

I may not be a good mother to you both sometime.I scream,i shout..i loose my patience.But it doesn't mean i love you both less.

Abang and adik..arwah atuk used to said"tak ada apa yang lebih berharga selain dari adik beradik(nothing more precious than our siblings-family)"
Abang,you need to protect adik more than i do.You both need to be hand in hand forever.I may not be there to protect you both but i know there will people that will love you both like i do.

Haih emotionally distracted.

10/09/2014

Pencarian Sekolah For Abang Kaliq Rafael

Aku datang rajin je aku start menaip ni. Dengan masa tak banyak kerja.Saja nak bagi anak aku baca masa akan datang. Nanti tulis dalam bentuk status facebook nanti too long to hadam.

Dah datang dah this point in life nak kena pikir hal sekolah anak .Dulu masa kita pergi sekolah,masuk uni mana nak pikir mana la datang parents aku cari duit ni. Like no kan. We just enjoy our time in school. Duk tak duk ni tahun depan Kaliq dah nak masuk 4 year old. Cepatnya anak mummy membesar ni.sob sob.

If im not mistaken dulu aku masuk tadika umur 6 tahun lepas tu 7 tahun masuk darjah 1. Alah masuk tadika goverment je pun. Yang pakai uniform pink tu. Sekolah apa tah. Lupa dah. Ok je bijak je aku sekarang. Bijak mengalahkan apa tah lagi * tepuk belakang sendiri* . Tapi tak la tau how much it cost back then . Yang aku tau pergi sekolah, main, belajar, makan ,balik ,ulang. Tak de maknanya aku nak tanya parents aku berapa kos pembelajaran aku tahun ni.

Living in the city *chewah* dia punya persaingan dia lain macam. Anak kawan kawan masuk sekolah gempak takkan anak aku masuk sekolah biasa biasa. Noooooo..Im not that kind. Ini bukan version #villagepeople ye nak dengki sentiasa tak boleh tengok orang lain lebih. Yang aku pikir kan more to cost off course dan mana sekolah yang baik mengikut kos aku tuh.

Kalau ikut kan hati aku ni nak je hantar sekolah kerajaan. Tapi around this area memang tak ada goverment school terdekat. sebabnya off course la lebih murah lepastu pembelajaran dia sama je. Aku dulu tadika kerajaan tapi kenapa aku power *tepuk belakang sendiri lagi*. So i had survey a few places la for my son. Dasyatnya la yuran sekolah untuk budak baru 4 tahun ni *nangis*\

Kalau rate sekolah sekolah glamer ni such as Brainy bunch ke,Smart reader and such ..kalau kau tak le nak bayar fee around 4-5K baik kau lupakan jela mummy oi. Bulanan dia pun boleh tahan. Half day around RM300 full day around RM700 *nangis lagi* .Tapi kalau mampu apa salahnya.Semua parents nak yang terbaik untuk anak,am i right. Cumanya tula memang aku ni tak la mampu. Buat masa ni.Masa depan tak tau lagi.

Alhamdulilah dah jumpa sekolah yang ok. Cuma fee dia tu tercirit jugak aku nak bayar. Dekat pun dekat. Bayaran bulanan pun okay. Dengan harapan dapat la aku langsaikan sebelum budak tu start sekolah sebab dah beria sangat nak pergi school tu. Insyaallah ye abang Kaliq.

Mak mak sekarang dia lain macam sikit. Dia punya berlumba tu lain macam. Sebenarnya sekolah mana mana pun okay. Ada yang ada nama ,mahal tapi sebenarnya tah pape (hasil pencarian gugel testimoni mak mak) ada yang biasa biasa je tapi dapat testimoni yang baik. It depends la. Lain la aku ni anak orang kaya 1k sebulan pun tak pe aku hantar anak aku tu.

Yang terbaik tak semestinya mahal -iklan indon.

6/16/2014

Antara Rumah Besar Dan Rumah Kecil,Antara Kereta Besar Dan Kereta Kecil

dah lama tak update blog ni. tapi tergerak nak update sebab terbaca 1 posting semalam yang orang duk share kat facebook " antara pendapatan RM 2800,RM800 sebulan,udang goreng dan zuhud". i read this blog posting to my husband and i told him hermmm macam sama kisah kita kan.

masa awal kenal my husband dia agak pemboros sikit,jenis boleh habiskan 1 portion gaji untuk benda benda yang blerghh. mungkin sebab dia dibesarkan tak dapat semua benda. dan aku pulak jenis penjimat walaupun aku tak la dibesarkan dari keluarga yang kaya tapi aku jenis apa nak dapat walaupun aku sedar ni masa dah tua ni masa kecik dulu aku tak sedar yang mungkin aku ada susahkan mak ayah aku sebab nak tu ni.yela masa kita kecik mana la tau apakan.macam anak aku sekarang la nampak je kat tv nak,keluar je nak.kadang bukan tak mampu nak beli kat dia tapi aku nak dia belajar hidup ni bukan takat sebut nakkkkkkk je kemudian benda jatuh atas riba.banyak cantik.kahkahkah.tapi nenek nenek dia manjakan dia.takpa la bak kata mak aku "cucu aku biarle".gittew.bila dah tua ni banyak la tau kan antaranya masa aku nak basikal dulu mak aku guna duit toreh getah kumpul kumpul dapat la beli kan aku basikal.aku tau susah ni bila dah jadi mak bapak.anak anak kita manala tau susah kita nak adakan semua bendakan.

berbalik ke cerita kami.masa awal kawin kami duduk rumah kecik je.okla duduk berdua bersama sama dengan kucing kucing yang ramai.haha.kemudian pindah ke rumah teres 2 tingkat.lepas tu aku preknen maka aku jadi tak larat.nak turun tangga pun ya Allah seksa.jadi rumah agak tak berjaga.masa tu pun kita orang hanya pakai motor sahaja. dan nak dijadikan rezeki anak kami yang sulung my husband manage to keluarkan saga baru masatu.kemudian dia pun lepas loan untuk bayar deposit kereta tu.tu dikatakan rezeki sebab sebelum tu nak apply apa pun mesti tak lepas.

bila dah ada anak sorang mulala perbelanjaan jadi bertambah.disebabkan tak mampu nak bayar rumah kitaorang pun pindah ke kawasan yang agak jauh,rumah teres 1 tingkat.tapi disebabkan nasib laki aku yang tak berapa baik bab kerja dan sebab tuan rumah jenis melayu yang tak pernah ada harta kitaorang pun keluar dari rumah tu.banyak cabaran yang kitaorang lalu masa ni.dengan aku preknen second baby,dengan income tak menentu.tapi somehow masatu bila kitaorang rasa adoi takle setle la masalah ni serabut !! Allah datangkan kekuatan dan penyelesaian yang kitaorang pun tak terpikir boleh lalu benda tu.

pada mulanya aku dah pikir nak pindah balik ke kampung je senang habis cerita tapi aku tak sedap nak susah kan parents aku kemudian dengan laki pulak jauh(dah aku jenis tak le berjauhan dari laki) aku decide dengan laki aku apa kata kita pindah dekat damansara balik (rumah dan kawasan pertama kitaorang mula duduk masa kahwin) sebab dekat dengan mak mertua aku dan dekat dengan tempat kerja baru laki aku.masa ni aku tak bekerja sebab dah nak bersalin jadi laki aku sorang la tanggung kami bertiga ni dengan gaji less than RM2000.bayangkan.tapi ada hikmah disebaliknya la sebab someway somehow mendekatkan lagi hubungan kitaorang dengan mak mertua aku dan mendekatkan lagi hubungan cucu dan nenek dia.alhamdulilah.dan masa ni jugak aku berpantang sendiri.dan masa ni aku sedar ya Allah aku ni memang strong orangnya.haha.

dari rumah yang besar ke rumah yang kecik,dari saga baru(kena curik) ke kia (rosak tak fix lagi)ke kereta yang kecik (kancil)someway somehow aku rasa amatlah bersyukur.bila aku mendongak maksudnya tengok kehidupan orang lain yang hebat ada kereta besar,rumah besar dan sebagainya aku somehow nampak ada kurangnya dekat kehidupan dia.tapi bila aku lihat kebawah maknanya tengok kesusahan orang lain yang lagi teruk dari apa yang aku hadap sekarang aku rasa ya Allah bersyukur sangat.aku jadikan contoh kat sini ,mintak maaf ye siti nurhaliza..ada kehidupan yang diimpikan dek semua perempuan tapi apa yang dia takda?paling selalu aku nilaikan again sorry marion counter..what a fabulous life she leeds..tapi ada kurangnya yang takpe la aku simpan je la or maybe orang lain pun boleh nilaikan.

bila this guy article bercakap pasal dia teringin nak makan udang..mengingatkan aku sangat pada arwah ayah aku.tak tau la macam mana dia tau.haha. tiap kali aku nak makan something tapi aku takde duit mesti tiba tiba makanan tu sampai kat aku.sekarang ni laki aku dah mengikut dah perangai dia.tak tau la kot laki aku dah jadi mind reader ke hape tapi tiap kali aku nak makan something je tau tau dia bawak balik rumah walaupun aku tak pernah cakap pun kat dia.rezeki tu datang dalam bentuk yang kita tak jangka bukan dari duit atau barang barang je.

aku pernah masak nasi goreng sentiasa sebab tak ada apa nak masak sampai aku kata kat laki aku masak ni je sebab takda bahan(nasi goreng kosong) dia makan je takada kompelin(hish nak nangisla taip ni)asalkan yang paling penting barang anak ada.dan sebab inila aku membentuk sikap tak memintak kat laki.kalau nak tau kasut kerja aku dengan kasut keluar ada 2 je tu la aku pusing pusing pakai.bukannya aku kedekut tapi sebab aku rasa ya Allah nak belanjakan walau 30RM beli kasut pun aku rasa baik la aku beli susu anak.melainkan kalau laki aku belikan tetibala.itu pun aku dah sound awal kalau nak beli apa apa untuk aku jangan sekali beli yang mahal aku memang tak suka.

itupun aku masih pelik bila ada orang kata aku belagak.belagak celah mana tah sebab takda pun aku upload makan mahal,takde pun aku upload barang barang branded ke kenderaan mewah ke rumah mewah ke.paling tidak gambar anak anak sebab ni la yang paling "mahal" sekali dalam dunia aku.dan kita patut careful pasal ni sebab kadang contoh kalau kita upload barang mewah ke mungkin ada yang mendoakan benda yang tak baik kat kita dalam diam.ni aku tak ingat mana aku dengarla walaupun niat kita so called nak tunjuk rezeki kita.sama jugak dengan upload pic anak ni sebenarnya.evil eye is everywhere.

pada aku tak apa kalau rumah kita kecik,kenderaan kita kecik janji kita ada each other(family)dan yang paling penting kita kena belajar bersyukur.dan aku bersyukur bila aku dah jadi mak ni aku jadi lagi bersyukur ya Allah.contoh laki aku hilang duit terakhir kitaorang minggu lepas still aku kata kat dia "takpe bukan rezeki kita' kalau dulu sebelum jadi mak mau aku meroyan tak tentu pasal dah kat dia.hahaha.dan seperti mamat tu tulis dalam blog dia aku kenal erti zuhud..

Iaitu bersyukur dengan apa yang ada, dan redha dengan nikmat yang ditarik.
dan alhamdulilah walaupun aku ada bersepah hutang ni yang aku cuba nak bayar sikit sikit tapi kadang ada je problem yang datang..aku rasa amat bahagia duduk dirumah kecik ni yang senang aku nak kemas,senang nak monitor anak dan selalu dilawat nenek anak anak.dan aku bersyukur masih ada kenderaan walaupun kecik tapi kita orang lagi lepas merata sebab minyak jimat.haha.ok tujelah.bye!

4/16/2014

Bad Experience With Sungai Buloh Hospital Emergency Department

fuhh its been a long time that I have not update anything and I finally blog again because I was piss  !! so that I can put this up on facebook as its too long.lol. so I hope everyone can ready my complain letter to Sungai Buloh Hospital. take note before you read my complain letter (which had been sent out already) I have no issue with government hospital. but I have issue with some people attitude that works there.


but despite that Hospital Sungai Buloh pediatric doctor is the best unlike their emergency doctor. so what happen was ..............like my complain letter below.read on.


to whom it may concern,

being a mother of 2 i never been skeptical of hospital kerajaan like some mother do as both of my kids was born in hospital kerajaan. my first son who is now 3 year old was born in hospital serdang. we went many times there to kecemasan even late at night.despite all the complains of " kena tunggu lama kat hospital kerajaan" we dont mind as we wanted the best for our kids and off course we dont have the money to go private. hospital serdang had been great. no issue. even we have to wait long they treat our kids in good manner and check thoroughly.


when my son was admitted to the wad kanak kanak ,despite not having the bed for the parents to wait i dont mind as the doctors were great and they treat us well. way difference from all of my experience going to hospital sungai buloh. but before that let me compliment one thing. hospital sungai buloh has the best pediatricians ever! seriously. we been there about 3 times and had very great experience with the doctors and nurses. even there is one time that we bring a referral letter from the clinic and we dont know that we have to go emergency straight instead of there still the doctor was kind to check our daughter. this is way different from the wad kecemasan! is it because we dont have the money? is it because theres so many patience?? or is it because u just dont bother anymore..or maybe we should u know give money to the person starting from the guy at the outside one (those who give out the number before going to bilik 1).


i had went to sungai buloh emergency numerous time but all was bad experience except for one time..imagine only once!or maybe im just unfortunate that during the time i went bad things happened. your outside staff(the one giving out the number) was all no smile at all. seeing a mother like me carrying a small child they dont even have the courtesy to smile and just seem "dont care" attitude.next when i went to bilik 1 it was ok,normal. the worst part is when we wait to see the doctor.


before there were this system where red card is considered as urgent cases..but still we had to wait like more than 1 hour. ok nevermind its ok we used of the waiting situation.yesterday we went there at around 7pm. theres not much of people waiting. there are 5 doctor room (if im not mistaken) and its almost 9pm already.my husband went to check wether theres doctor inside the room.turn out there is no doctor at all in every room!! so he went and complain.like 15minutes later then the number moved.


so i bring my daughter inside. 1 chinese doctor(a guy) attend me. he doesnt even look at the damn detail on the sheet! doesnt even know that my daughter is a SHE not HE!! and he doesnt even know how old is my daughter!! he only check sooo damn simple unlike how my son was treated last time at hospital serdang.by the way my daughter was coughing like almost 3 weeks. i was worried because my son last time was admitted because of lung infection due to prolong coughing and flu.he only do simple lung check using the stethoscope and advice me to go klinik kesihatan for tibi check.like what the heck.and thats it.i understand that there wont be any medicine for below 2 year old. i know tat long time but the doctor should not speak to me like a stupid not reading mom person.


while i was there in the room he was chit chating with the other doctor about something that is not related at all with a patience there!  i got so angry and scold the doctor.even the other doctor was synical smiling behind me when i scold the other doctor like " i dont care whatever" attitude. this is yesterday.before that it was much worst.i have the name of the doctor unfortunately i dont have it now to include in this complain.it was an indian lady doctor.unfortunately for me twice we went there we got to met the same doctor!she had this "i dont care attitude". before it was my daughter jaundice blood checkup.she said we have to wait 2 hours for the result. at that time it was almost 10pm.because of the waiting.so common sense do we have to wait until 12pm?with small baby and 1 todler?i ask her if you can do a courtesy to call us to inform or maybe we could come tomorow to get the result.she said cannot if come again have to check again and cannot call.so we wait in the car !at night with our 2 kids.


okay the next jaundice checkup..my husband went and complain we cannot wait that long ..now it change to 1 hour pulak! the next one around 45 minutes pulak!means it can be done in shorter time!2nd time same doctor again bad experience also but i cant recall what happen.third time which i remember the most.my son was having a diarrhea and vomiting. we went there a bit late.so the doctor said in such case he had to be admitted so fine with me.but i told her can it be done tomorow as my daughter is still breastfeed so we had to go back for the night and come again early in the morning.she said can but have to go through all the waiting again in a very synical way !then she even ask me " jadi mak datang sini buat apa?!" like what ?????i remain my calmness .she even said ikut mak la nak buat apa...what the heck !! she is a doctor!!!!she should suggested me something atleast to assure me with her professional opinion!atleast provide us a letter to come in the morning for admission.


is this how sungai buloh hospital works?????then you should probably change ur way.i dont think its that alasan "ramai orang' "kurang doktor" and such as hospital serdang is much worst but they able to creat a good experience.i even see a female doctor at klinik kesihatan seri kembangan ALONE 
treating all the kids in a very joyfull manner and even give advice and able to do her work quick.i hope this can change atleast to be able to see small kids/baby and old people first and to see the situation wether its late or not.my husband even went once at 1 am to kecemasan and finish at almost 4am with not much of people at the emergency!! and he bring our son because of high fever! please you should change. to those who reading this pls take this matter seriously. i as a consumer will bring this to many sources out there from social network to kementerian kesihatan and to the media .thank you.

2/07/2014

Super Housewife Mommies

I never got the time to really update my blog anymore well basically bukannya tak ada masa pun just that im to lazy to do it anymore.pfftt. But i remind myself why i do it in the first place that is to leave something that my kids could read.

I decided to get back working after i dont know almost a year i think being a housewife. Some might said being a housewife is easy(especially husband..they always said this..by that i meant my husband that is)but heck no..they are soooo wrong.

when i was a housewife terasa macam theres too many things to do. Let say for example in 1 day i can start by washing dishes,tetiba sapu sampah..kemudian alamak lantai kotor pulak ada susu tumpah kena mop pulak..then end up i mop the whole house then pergi toilet alamak kotornya toilet!!there i am menyental lantai toilet pulak and it will goes on and on until end of the day. Tapi yelah not all the time aku buat kerja kan.nak mampus macam tu?nanti tak terlayan anak pulak.

And now i decided to start back working sebab nak tolong my husband. I feel that he can no longer support all. Masa berhenti kerja pun bukan lah kita orang mampu sangat tapi mengenangkan adik Adra still small and husband was like aahhhh kesiannya nak hantar adik. So we berkorban a lot of things..i mean a lot.

No more dine out (only once a while) no more movie outing and such. Basically because of the money and time. And there are times that there was nothing to eat so i just masak whatever have. I am not ashamed to say this as this make me bersyukur and put my priority at the right place.

Now that Adra is 6 month  old and Kaliq 2year+ there is a bit relief that now i can send them to babysitter so that i can work..but still my heart is not at the right place anyway..haha..asyik melayang ke rumah babysitter je. Okay till then.