To My Children

It has been a while that i didn't post anything. But lately i cant sleep well. I kept on thinking about my late father..and i kept thinking about my children.

Since i got my kids my world changed. It is no longer about me..no longer about anyone else except for them. I saw a lot lately small kids losing their parents..and even parents losing their child. What if it happen to me?

My children. One day you both gonna read this (i guess) and this blog is the best medium that i can convey my massage to you both when you're older(old enuf to read)-im gonna try to write more after this.

I remember the day,the first day i hold you both. Abang Kaliq Rafael,when i first saw you when your daddy push you on that small hospital trolley i thought to myself how beautiful you are..how am i going to care for you as i cant even take care of myself sometime..am i going to love you unconditionally eventhough i had just met you..am i gonna be a good mother? i almost question myself everyday.

Adik Adra Nelissa,we were together straight after you came out of me.It was just me and you.Your daddy had to take care of abang that time. It was you and me in that room after all the doctor and nurses leaves us. I remember talking to you..i told you how beautiful you are and that mummy will love you and abang the same,No difference.

You both have changed me forever. Friends are no longer no.1 to me(it used to top family)i cried easily over little little things..i even love weddings now as its good to see my friends once in a while. Especially family weddings as i could see families and how they love you both like i do.I did everything in fast pace now..like walking,eating,cooking and such so that i can just lay down and watch tv with you both..

I may not be a good mother to you both sometime.I scream,i shout..i loose my patience.But it doesn't mean i love you both less.

Abang and adik..arwah atuk used to said"tak ada apa yang lebih berharga selain dari adik beradik(nothing more precious than our siblings-family)"
Abang,you need to protect adik more than i do.You both need to be hand in hand forever.I may not be there to protect you both but i know there will people that will love you both like i do.

Haih emotionally distracted.