Almost 3 months pemergian masih terasa yang dia ada. I could never imagine after looking at so many pictures together especially my wedding picture that 3years after im going to loose him forever.
After i got married he seldom calls me. Selalunya dia akan mintak mak call kan. At the end of the conversation with mak dia hanya sampaikan salam je through mak. I also jarang sangat call dia sampai mak terpaksa call on behalf untuk tanya khabar. What makes me so busy? Once u loose someone u start to wonder...
I always promise myself ok definately tomorow im gonna call him but never did i. Selalu sangat tertangguh dan terlupa. As far as i remember i barely talk to him as hes so garang..too overprotective of his kids. I could tell thousands of stories here just to prove my point haha.
I hate him for always monitoring who im friend with especially those boys. I always taught that haih tak kawin la aku macam ni if he reacts like this all the time. Everytime the phone ring i got scared pikir alamak please ya Allah help tolongla yang call tu bukan budak lelaki looking for me!even if they call nak tanya pasal schoolwork ke whatever lupakanla they wont get the chance to talk with me . Never!
When i was small i think in sekolah rendah he always ask me to teman him pergi the nearest town to lepak minum..buy me books and comics as he thought that i was bosan duduk rumah. But the fact is i rather stay home and watch cartoon. I always refuse but still being me dengan malasnya naik jugak motor. And sometime when its rain we have to sit hours at the bus stand tunggu hujan reda and that sometimes made me mad!!
I could tell more stories but i will never forget the day i got married. Sebelum tu aku selalu pikir ya Allah percepatkan la jodoh. He is getting old i dont want him not to be at my wedding please. Afiq (my husband) was the only guy he approve. As the wedding was in short amount of time..he made it happen..even the wedding card untuk kampung punya side dia buat walaupun nama Afiq he spelt wrongly!haha. And he cried just after the akad when he nikahkan me himself which was the most beautiful thing he ever did. And he was crying and shaking!macam dia lak nak nikah ye!
He always been suportive masa aku susah..the one that is there when my son was sick. Malam ni bagitau anak sakit esok pagi dia sampai! He never complains when i need his help. But still i barely call him..
When Adra was born hes already sick. He never sick hes entirely life!he hates hospital. He smokes heavily. Veryyy heavy. I joke with him once masa dia selalu sangat batuk i said ha ok la esok orang belikan sekarton mesti elok batuk! So he didnt visit me like when my son was born. He said to me dia tak larat kalau larat mesti dia datang. I know he will.
We went back to see him when he was admitted. It was fasting month. He hold Adra. He never hold babies not even me masa kecik dulu sebab dia tak berani pegang baby kecik but he hold Adra dengan hes old and shaken hands. I ask him boleh ke pegang ni? He said ish bolehla. My son was so happy to see him. He barely talks because he dont have the energy. The next day when we have to go back after salam he said dia tak larat kalau larat tak ada la macamni. And that was the lastime ever i spoke with him....
When i receive the call that Monday morning mak was crying. Before that she call Afiq. She said kalau nak jumpa balik lah. I said to him mak ni dah menangis nangis ni dia dahla tak pernah tengok orang tua tu sakit teruk. I still think and believe that its not that bad she must be too worried.
We went back on that day straight. In my mind i think its not that bad ..its just not that bad. Upon reaching i almost collapse. Masuk je rumah i cant believe my eyes. Hes getting skinny. So skinny that perut dia melengkung and his face is saggy dan terlalu cengkung. He is not him anymore. Afiq even cant believe his eyes he went out for smoke. I went out i burst into tears. I never seen him like that and i blame myself that i didnt went back masa raya..when he still can talk. Now he cant even say anything..nothing.
Hubs went back on Rabu. I told him please not sebab tak sedap hati. But still he had to work. That night i couldnt sleep. I know deep in my heart that he is getting ill. Malam tu mak,eldest sister and my eldest brother bergilir teman him as he is getting worst.
Aku bangun. Keluar dari bilik memang akan terus pandang dia. I know ..we know that its not too long tapi masing masing diam. Dari pagi ramai yang masih datang melawat. Around noon i was at the kitchen about to masak nasi goreng for my son..mak was at his side with her friends who came to visit..my eldest sister was outside menyapu with my son..then i heard a loud shout calling my sister up.
I went infront to see what was up. I start shaking. My whole body was. He was out of breath. Mak and my sister recite syahadah in repeat to his ear while waiting for my cousin as shes a nurse to check on him. Lepas my cousin check she whisper to my ear.. "call abang dengan akak cepat..dah nazak". Dengan tangan yang mengeletar and crying i dial my sis and bro number who was on their way. And i call hubs asking him to hurry back. Selang 5 minit my sister came to the kitchen(i was at the kitchen,while everything happen infront) she asked for the fon and she call her husband ..she said while crying 'cepat sikit pak dah takde'. I almost drop to my knee. I dont see it happen i though he is still nazak.
Aku pergi depan sambil gendong anak there i saw him tidak lagi bernyawa. Is this happening?am i here?i couldnt believe my eyes.
Everything happen so fast. Alhamdulilah me and hubs sempat memandikan jenazah. Sebelum dia dikebumikan lihat wajahnya buat yang terakhir kali..aku tak sanggup aku menangis di dapur sebab nampak mak cium dia buat kali terakhir sambil bisik sesuatu.
Dia yang aku maksudkan dia yang memberi aku makan dari kecil hingga besar..yang hantar ambil aku dari sekolah..yang dalam susah senang dia ada. Perkara paling sakit bila rindu kan seseorang tapi tak dapat jumpa apatah lagi dengar suara. Jiwa rasa kosong. Hidup aku hanya ada 3 lelaki..dia,suami dan anak. Aku hilang 1 jiwa aku jadi kosong yang tak dapat nak penuh kan balik dengan apa apa.
Aku tak sangka yang bila hari itu datang aku lihat dengan mata aku sendiri keadaan tu. Ini betul betul menginsafkan aku.
Satu hari nanti aku boleh kata dengan abang u were near atuk when atuk pergi tinggalkan kita. Adik Adra..u too..even u were small and atuk didnt get the chance to know u still u were there and note that if atuk umur ada he will surely love u much.
Hargailah orang tua kita selagi ada nyawa. Al fatihah.