After i got married he seldom calls me. Selalunya dia akan mintak mak call kan. At the end of the conversation with mak dia hanya sampaikan salam je through mak. I also jarang sangat call dia sampai mak terpaksa call on behalf untuk tanya khabar. What makes me so busy? Once u loose someone u start to wonder...
I always promise myself ok definately tomorow im gonna call him but never did i. Selalu sangat tertangguh dan terlupa. As far as i remember i barely talk to him as hes so garang..too overprotective of his kids. I could tell thousands of stories here just to prove my point haha.
I hate him for always monitoring who im friend with especially those boys. I always taught that haih tak kawin la aku macam ni if he reacts like this all the time. Everytime the phone ring i got scared pikir alamak please ya Allah help tolongla yang call tu bukan budak lelaki looking for me!even if they call nak tanya pasal schoolwork ke whatever lupakanla they wont get the chance to talk with me . Never!
When i was small i think in sekolah rendah he always ask me to teman him pergi the nearest town to lepak minum..buy me books and comics as he thought that i was bosan duduk rumah. But the fact is i rather stay home and watch cartoon. I always refuse but still being me dengan malasnya naik jugak motor. And sometime when its rain we have to sit hours at the bus stand tunggu hujan reda and that sometimes made me mad!!
I could tell more stories but i will never forget the day i got married. Sebelum tu aku selalu pikir ya Allah percepatkan la jodoh. He is getting old i dont want him not to be at my wedding please. Afiq (my husband) was the only guy he approve. As the wedding was in short amount of time..he made it happen..even the wedding card untuk kampung punya side dia buat walaupun nama Afiq he spelt wrongly!haha. And he cried just after the akad when he nikahkan me himself which was the most beautiful thing he ever did. And he was crying and shaking!macam dia lak nak nikah ye!
He always been suportive masa aku susah..the one that is there when my son was sick. Malam ni bagitau anak sakit esok pagi dia sampai! He never complains when i need his help. But still i barely call him..
When Adra was born hes already sick. He never sick hes entirely life!he hates hospital. He smokes heavily. Veryyy heavy. I joke with him once masa dia selalu sangat batuk i said ha ok la esok orang belikan sekarton mesti elok batuk! So he didnt visit me like when my son was born. He said to me dia tak larat kalau larat mesti dia datang. I know he will.
We went back to see him when he was admitted. It was fasting month. He hold Adra. He never hold babies not even me masa kecik dulu sebab dia tak berani pegang baby kecik but he hold Adra dengan hes old and shaken hands. I ask him boleh ke pegang ni? He said ish bolehla. My son was so happy to see him. He barely talks because he dont have the energy. The next day when we have to go back after salam he said dia tak larat kalau larat tak ada la macamni. And that was the lastime ever i spoke with him....
When i receive the call that Monday morning mak was crying. Before that she call Afiq. She said kalau nak jumpa balik lah. I said to him mak ni dah menangis nangis ni dia dahla tak pernah tengok orang tua tu sakit teruk. I still think and believe that its not that bad she must be too worried.
We went back on that day straight. In my mind i think its not that bad ..its just not that bad. Upon reaching i almost collapse. Masuk je rumah i cant believe my eyes. Hes getting skinny. So skinny that perut dia melengkung and his face is saggy dan terlalu cengkung. He is not him anymore. Afiq even cant believe his eyes he went out for smoke. I went out i burst into tears. I never seen him like that and i blame myself that i didnt went back masa raya..when he still can talk. Now he cant even say anything..nothing.
Hubs went back on Rabu. I told him please not sebab tak sedap hati. But still he had to work. That night i couldnt sleep. I know deep in my heart that he is getting ill. Malam tu mak,eldest sister and my eldest brother bergilir teman him as he is getting worst.
Aku bangun. Keluar dari bilik memang akan terus pandang dia. I know ..we know that its not too long tapi masing masing diam. Dari pagi ramai yang masih datang melawat. Around noon i was at the kitchen about to masak nasi goreng for my son..mak was at his side with her friends who came to visit..my eldest sister was outside menyapu with my son..then i heard a loud shout calling my sister up.
I went infront to see what was up. I start shaking. My whole body was. He was out of breath. Mak and my sister recite syahadah in repeat to his ear while waiting for my cousin as shes a nurse to check on him. Lepas my cousin check she whisper to my ear.. "call abang dengan akak cepat..dah nazak". Dengan tangan yang mengeletar and crying i dial my sis and bro number who was on their way. And i call hubs asking him to hurry back. Selang 5 minit my sister came to the kitchen(i was at the kitchen,while everything happen infront) she asked for the fon and she call her husband ..she said while crying 'cepat sikit pak dah takde'. I almost drop to my knee. I dont see it happen i though he is still nazak.
Aku pergi depan sambil gendong anak there i saw him tidak lagi bernyawa. Is this happening?am i here?i couldnt believe my eyes.
Everything happen so fast. Alhamdulilah me and hubs sempat memandikan jenazah. Sebelum dia dikebumikan lihat wajahnya buat yang terakhir kali..aku tak sanggup aku menangis di dapur sebab nampak mak cium dia buat kali terakhir sambil bisik sesuatu.
Dia yang aku maksudkan dia yang memberi aku makan dari kecil hingga besar..yang hantar ambil aku dari sekolah..yang dalam susah senang dia ada. Perkara paling sakit bila rindu kan seseorang tapi tak dapat jumpa apatah lagi dengar suara. Jiwa rasa kosong. Hidup aku hanya ada 3 lelaki..dia,suami dan anak. Aku hilang 1 jiwa aku jadi kosong yang tak dapat nak penuh kan balik dengan apa apa.
Aku tak sangka yang bila hari itu datang aku lihat dengan mata aku sendiri keadaan tu. Ini betul betul menginsafkan aku.
Satu hari nanti aku boleh kata dengan abang u were near atuk when atuk pergi tinggalkan kita. Adik Adra..u too..even u were small and atuk didnt get the chance to know u still u were there and note that if atuk umur ada he will surely love u much.
Hargailah orang tua kita selagi ada nyawa. Al fatihah.
After so long i figure i rather make a new blog since i have so many things to share with especially parents out there and for my kids future read. Dah memang lama sangat tak post anything as you can see my last post was when Kaliq was at 11 month old..sekarang dah almost 2 year old in another 2months! Time flies so fast does it. But i figure i just delete my old post yang tak penting and countinue.
And now Adra Nelissa has been born to the world on 13th July 2013. I guess my kids memang fancy nombor 13 as Kaliq pun lahir on 13 Dec 2011.13 has now become our favourite number hehe.
When i was pregnant with Adra i wasnt expected that its going to be that fast as Kaliq that time baru je setahun lebih. I was so scared sampai memang tiap hari pikir how am i going to devide my time between them as of cos Kaliq needs to be given attention too. I got depress and start searching and do research by google of cos on other mothers experience. I was so scared.
My health also tak berapa baik that i have to quit my job to give full attention to self and Kaliq yang selalu jugak tak sihat masa tu making our financial become merudum. Masa tu bertawakal jela insyaallah ada rezeki yang baik baik untuk anak. So many things happen that sometime i just dont want to get up from my bed but Kaliq is the reason to keep me going..
I did not went to any checkup . Selalu sangat skip sampai kena marah dengan nurse kat klinik kesihatan but i cant go really as hubs cant get his off day often. I went for scan sekali sahaja other than that i countinue my meds. Dalam hati memang risau sangat if anything bad happen to Adra. Bertawakallah sekali lagi.
Alhamdulillah Adra lahir sihat sempurna di Hospital Sungai Buloh around 2am. Actually i plan to give birth dekat Hospital Selayang as my friend about a month before had a very bad experience in Sungai Buloh but i was having a really bad contraction that night that hubs decide untuk pergi ke hospital yang paling dekat.
I was having a really bad contraction around 10pm but still i told my hubs well maybe sakit biasa kot..false alarm. Siap cakap kat dia takpe la tunggu la pagi sebab i was thinking bout Kaliq alah mana nak hantar anak sorang ni siapa nak jaga. We even try to sleep but the contraction gap was getting closer by 5minutes so i know la that time memang tak boleh tunggu dah. I know i cant stand contraction!macam tulang belakang kena perah macam kain!
Upon arriving at Sungai Buloh dengan Kaliq yang mamai dunno what the heck is happening that time i was push straight to labour room. Doc said nasib baik cepat kalau tak haiyo teberanak la kat rumah. Alhamdulilah it doesnt take so long as around 1hour after i give birth to Adra eventhough hubs wasnt with me sebab kena send Kaliq to my friend house Arni (thank you so much until this day i can never thank you enough sebab tolong jaga Kaliq). Hubs reach hospital je dia dah dapat pegang Adra. But i was bit piss sebab masa tu bulan puasa so nurse semua sibuk nak bersahur. Tengah sakit tu dalam labour room boleh tanya tu ni macam tak menyempat! Siap blast off from the hp lagu Bruno Mars,Grenade!so Adra that is the first song u heard..blergh. Then i hold Adra for about an hour sebab the nurse said its a new policy that the baby be placed at the mother for an hour. Its kinda like to connect mak dan anak la.
Bersalin pukul 2am dapat bilik pukul 7am. Lapar gila dah masa tu. And hubs can only came back at 10am bapak kebulur dah masa tu tak kisah pantang ke hape apa hospital bagi licin! Bilik tak berapa ok masa tu sebab ramai but i dont care!all i know aku nak keluar haritu jugak! Dalam bilik tu ada 2 orang mak lagi one sebab dia punya jahitan ceaser terbukak(adoilaaa)another one mak arab yang cant understand english at all haha.
Dapat jugak keluar on the same day alhamdulilah. By the way if anyone wondering la kan as i always google on kos..bersalin normal and wad3 48rm sajork. Alhamdulilah ok la tu as long as semuanya selamattttt.
Balik tu we wait for Kaliq to come home. His first reaction to Adra???hadoi jeles habis!the night end with me and hubs tersadai tidur duduk kat katil sebab ada orang baru tu tak nak tidur! O well nanti story about confinement sendiri pulak. Toodles!
Note : Adra Nelissa was born on 13.07.13 at Hospital Sungai Buloh. Weight 3.45kg. Adra means suci,perawan, and also the charecter from the cartoon Pada Zaman Dahulu 'Ara' and Nelissa is my real name pronounce backward :) as Kaliq means 'the creative one' and its Khairul Afiq(hubs full name)shorten becomes Kaliq :) Adra is now 3months old :)